“I Probably Watch Too Much Paula Deen” by Whitney Collins

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At the stoplight
I saw a man
Jogging in place
Waiting for the light to change

He had these massive calves

Massive

Like two caveman clubs

Like two inflated caveman clubs

Like two inflated caveman clubs that might be in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

I should have admired his athleticism
Or wondered about his workout routine
But instead
My first thought was

“That would have been the Donner Party’s first victim, y’all.”

-Whitney Collins

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