Sometimes reclusive. Often observed alone in public.
Gets along well with others of his species.
Known to attack own reflection.

Occasionally misidentified with other males.
Look for marking above right eye (cabinet corner)
and along left forearm (lost argument).

Size may vary depending on time of year
and relationship status.

Identifying behaviors include bird-watching,
indulging passion for baseball and hockey,
devotion to Iron Maiden and Slayer.

Diet consists of beer, bread, and cheese
supplemented with bourbon in winter months
when necessary.

Plumage and manner of speech can lead to
mistaken judgment of orientation. Observe mating habits
before making determination.

Currently not on endangered-species list,
but low numbers stoke concerns
of extinction.

-Christopher Miller