My Sister(s) of the Cross

445 Replies

My Sister(s) of the Cross

 

By Harriet Windsor

 

As the brave Ohio snakes through Kentuckiana,

at its own pace, with its own thoughts,

from its own point of origin, with its own dream

of one day making it, with its very own waters,

all the way to New Orleans, yet knowing

yet knowing all the while it can’t stretch that far,

that it will never make it all the way without help,

and so, at Cairo, Illinois, it gives itself away

to the mighty Mississippi—so I see my sisters

(though one is kin to me, the other alien).

 

My sister, Ilse, who died on the cross

at the left hand of the Savior (I was on the right)

(never mind the words of the Unholy Tome)

my devastating sister, who died in 1996

in the BMW which she could easily afford

because the Law was lucrative for her—

my sister Ilse was the mighty Mississippi—

but she died? Did the river ever die?

Her death was a hiccup; the waters

continued to flow. And I, like Huck Finn,

clung to a raft, tossing on her breast.

 

I had not traveled the Ohio; I did not know

her thoughts; her dreams did not include me.

I did not know her past, her point of origin.

I’d scarcely even read her poetry, except

that sad one, about the dog drinking antifreeze.

 

Yet I’ve learned that it is true, since 1996

that Ilse, bright angel, is no more, yet she flows.

Yet she whispers, yet she sees with my eyes—

but the Ohio, with her trickster eyes

with hair much redder, with a build like Ilse,

has given (unbeknownst to her?) a resting place,

access to an intellect, to strength, to sex—

a body, in short, to contain her everlasting soul—

the Ohio gave this to the Mississippi

yet in my mind she is always Ilse, when we speak.

 

And if you, Kentucky girl, should ever wonder

why I look at you, why I wince at your words

our relationship has always been professional

Know this: as you enjoy the tastes and smells

of New Orleans, the American Mecca,

that you’d never have arrived there, free and clear,

without the mighty Mississippi, ghost river—

and she is the Holy Ghost, if it must be said—

for though you sing hallelujah very well,

you’ve never sung alone since that day

my sister wrecked her car in Brooklyn.

 

What do I do with this knowledge? I live with it.

I converse with Ilse; I do not converse with you.

for in the “real world” we are only colleagues,

(or we will be, when all goes as planned).

I don’t dare love you, though I do love Ilse.

Instead I merely thank you for your tolerance

of forces that could wash you away: a river

most red-blooded of all rivers, with a pounding

beat against the doors of your awareness—

the Mississippi wants you to want me

tossing on my tiny raft, not to drown me—

but to see the possibilities, so truly infinite

in this saved world.

 

 

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