A Long Illness

449 Replies

          I

She tells me there’s a woman screaming in her head

She starts out quiet and gets louder
And louder until she’s screaming
Like a mean teacher
Why won’t she stop
When I bend my head down
She gets quieter and she gets louder
When I stand up

            II

 February 23, 2015

I’m going to write in here and not be stressed. I will not be stressed about illness—it’s going to be okay and please dear God help her be okay and help me not stress. I’ll sit with her today and make sure she’s getting better and also how isolated could we possibly be. I go weeks without hearing from anyone. It gets old and tiring and now stressed and all the writing I want to do building up and irritating me. 

            III

 What of these emails

I send them back and forth to myself
Calendar this
Print that
Do this
Remember that 

            IV

She’s well enough to sit on the couch

I read her old letters my best friend wrote
When I was little
She listens so close, asks
Where is she now mama

Are you ready for lunch
How about some soup, I ask
I don’t tell her how fast
A girl can turn mean 

            V

I try to take a moment for myself

What are you writing mama
What are you doing
What are you reading
Why are you writing in your book mama

             VI

The fever broke in the night

Her eyes burned the heat went
Down the length of her body
The sweat soaked my pants
I stroked her head
She slept
She smiled and said mama
And my name never sounded so good
On those lips

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