Questionnaire

304 Replies

Tell us what twists your colon into knots.
Do you endeavor to tone your tummy?
Does your triple chin get up to trouble?

How well do you embrace wellness, on a scale
of one to negative eight? Where does the true
you dwell? Have you heard strange noises

in bed at night? Fill in the blank. Do you rise
to find hand prints on your ribs, your back,
the impression of a fist pushing out of your

love handles? Multiple choice now. What
can you do to unleash the really real you?
What will it look like, reader, emerging

from the slack cocoon of you, flinging you off
like a rubber sheet? Circle only one. Where
will it prowl in its wildness, self-improver, once

freed from your stifling sleeve? Can you
let go, loser, of that which holds you back?
Complete this sentence: I long to excise

my [blank]. Do you dote upon your thin
inner creature? True or false. Have you fed it
raw gall bladder? Do you routinely swallow

the treats it craves on cheat days: bone meal,
painkillers, cocaine? Can you fit a red hot
cleaver into your fat maw? Truth or dare.

When will you learn to suck back your beer gut,
your incredulity towards us, the ones who want
to help you, the ones you are dying to meet?

 

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