I grew up with religion
but I can’t find it anymore
repeated prayers become patterned
and instead of talking to God
I’m reassuring myself
that this idea I can’t shake
is still worth something to me
Because I’m more sure about the doubt
than this thing that has been preached at me
for 17 years
and counting
because I’m too afraid
of what my parents would think
if they knew their little girl was going to hell
I remember having that exact feeling when I was 18.
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