Approaching swiftly
from down the street, reveling
Winter air nipping
each breath expanding, escaping
Hands covered
joystick still shivering
Coming steadily
from street to sidewalk
into parking lot
onto walkway
Invading space gradually
almost stealthily
marking my territory
Smokers take notice
nudge and elbow
stand uptight upright
so I can get by, inside
let greenbacks blow
watch our team’s demise
Tonight’s enemy
dressed yellow
Outside double doorway
my patience testing
Waiting to inch in
How many more times
do I need to say it?
Excusing necessary, feeling eluding
Quickly announcing
not only walking
drinking and driving
patting, poking
unrightfully grab-assing
attention gathering
Step aside enabling
apology accepted
Magazine stands encroaching
approaching frustration
Toes aware
coming through, beware
except for one
Too late!
Too much hesitate
not enough dictate
BUMP! SMASH!
Up and over
DANCE! RELOCATE!
Implicate, shrug and simmer
No hope for surrender
realize, empathize, notice, appreciate
Remember next time
exact moment without indicate
–Jude Lally,
The View from Down Here
Accents Publishing
Jude, I met you first in Lexpomo; I’m Rae, who met you face-to-face at Katerina’s 20-years-a-citizen celebration. I just read “Just to Get By” and I’m appreciating your writing. One line stood out to me: “no hope for surrender.” for its clarity and empathy both realized and appreciated. Sometimes we, no matter what our circumstances, are unsure of the communication that passes between us.
I’ve been experiencing this with my partner, who experiences periods of “experimental thinking,” as she calls it–dissociation, as textbooks define it. We are midway through a crisis, spurred by her mother’s illness and a decision I made to allow doctors to prepare me for dialysis, as I have a kidney disease that is approaching the need for greater attention.
For the last five years, I’ve been under The Kidney Foundation’s care, to prolong the time I can live without dialysis. During this time, I’ve had many shifts in energy and outlook, often affected by Harriet’s mental health.
Just this morning, she had positive thoughts to share with me that show me the friend I’ve cherished for the last 18 years, since my marriage dissolved. Somehow, I have learned to hang on to what I trust, even though I have reason to question my security and perception of a safe and pliable world. That’s where your poem struck me as real and valid to everyone who knows limits: hope for surrender is the antidote for despair, when we are unable to meet defeat.
Some people say I am brave, standing by my partner, leaving the security of marriage, and in careful support of my family, who have ranged from strong, capable individuals to one who is schizophrenic, differently abled. I know differently, but you have provided me expression of how I endure affliction: I am not ready to give up.
I certainly realize that I am not as adaptable and resourceful as I was when I was younger, but I’m not helpless or invalid. I have a tearing, beautiful gratitude, like breathing in a brilliant rose beside the fence. I am humbly among the ones who realize the gift of life, with all its complications and demands. I am so grateful, also, for your presence and your poems. I want you to know that you connect yourself to me, and to the people who make up your life, responding to you.
May your day be full of realizations and your own gifts of acceptance and delight. Thank you for thriving! Yours,
Rae Cobbs
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