You know, it’s just as much my mild porch keeps
me anchored in the present as my past,
beside the stalled Volkswagon where I tried
to wipe my nose and tears, that first goodbye.
That windbreaker I grabbed, futilely
could not absorb what sorrow wrenched from me.  

I wanted fantasy to overtake
reality, for better or for worse.
It has been worse without you, but I’m fine.
You sat beside me for a peaceful hour.
I’m brimming with new sorrow and new joy.
I’ll never lie within your arms, but I
have arms to hold me steady for the truth:
I love you more than deserts where I’ve longed
for paradise and seen it wheel above me
in the stars. Darkness take my scars.  

I cannot write it out. Indelible,
the way I’ve longed for you is in my bones,
a silver river seen from miles above
that I can’t taste, descending into bliss,
or turn from, or forget. When I am at
the ocean, smelling sea weed mixed with salt,
that sweet and savory perfection that
can take me back into my mother’s blood,
alive with thirst I know I’ll never quench,
I can’t regret or live without your love.