16.6.29 (Ways to kill in Orlando more difficult than Omar Mateen’s Sig Sauer MCX Semi-Automatic Rifle)
To kill one tiny life, a clump of cells the size of a pen tip,
one must perform an ultrasound, to see one’s unviable
victim, before receiving counselling about
why one wishes to end the growth on a uterus;
then wait twenty-four hours, a whole day later
than the walk in/walk out purchase
of a military grade weapon.
At no point during this probing of one’s
murderous desires, can a doctor ask
if one owns a gun.
To kill a spouse, one must first become a spouse,
must drive to a county clerk office and prove
one has taken a four-hour pre-marital course,
under an approved list of psychiatrists, social workers,
therapists, counselors, or certified religious
institutional member, in order to make sure one is ready
for the responsibilities of marriage, emotional capacity
to deal with the burden of filing a Joint tax form. If not,
one must wait three days to prove one is dedicated to being
proper spouse so one doesn’t make a mistake of ruining a life
through marriage; a wait seventy-two hours longer than buying
a 6-pound machine capable of firing 30 rounds of
intermediate 5.56x45mm NATO cartridge originally designed
to meet Special Forces demands.
To kill a handful of people in a midsize sedan,
one must have a driver’s license to purchase a vehicle,
must go through a four-hour Traffic Law & Substance Abuse Education Class,
a written test, a driving test, and log 50 hours of driving practice;
for the State of Florida recognizes that a 3,010 lbs. Toyota Prius at 45 MPH
is an inherently dangerous death crusader, which requires not only
strict training certifications, but also a birth certificate,
Social Security number, and two proofs of address;
whereas a .426 oz bullet traveling 3,020 ft/s
is an inherent right and liberty,
one which requires no license, training, or permit
to carry into a gay bar on Sunday Latino Night.
Inspired by Tessa Stuart’s “7 Things That Are Harder to Get Than an Assault Rifle”, Rolling Stone Magazine.
Chillingly accurate.
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