“God Damn You, Old Navy” by Whitney Collins

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Old Navy is having a sale!
On chinos embroidered with whales!
And also on tanks
Made expressly for skanks
Who want to look preppy in jail!

Old Navy is offering deals!
On sandals and wedges and heels
Oh my! The endorphins!
Are these shoes made by orphans?
Do you have any flip flops in teal?

Old Navy is slashing its price!
On sundresses and fuzzy dice!
How in the piss
Do they profit from this?
(We pay all our workers in rice.)

Despite all the money I’m saving,
I wish I could quit you, Old Navy.
Brokeback Mountain for mamas
With your Star Wars pajamas
You’re the fix for my cardigan craving.

-Whitney Collins

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