“I Love Them This Much (You Can’t See How Close My Hands Are When I Demonstrate How Much)” by Whitney Collins

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My children were so poorly behaved at the grocery
And exhibited such complete lack of character
That I was embarrassed to have a uterus

Tell me
What’s the fastest way
For a martini to take effect?

As an enema?

Well
Alrighty then

Make mine a double

(Also: Uterus For Sale. Pre-owned, no tags. Aesthetically compromised. $45 OBO.)

-Whitney Collins

158 thoughts on ““I Love Them This Much (You Can’t See How Close My Hands Are When I Demonstrate How Much)” by Whitney Collins”

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