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from Meeting Dad by Brian Russell

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“Brian Russell,” the voice said. “Well I’ll be!”

“This is your son,” I said.

“Well, I surely know that! Hello son. What a pleasant surprise.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my mother slip out of the room.

I can’t begin to relate with any level of accuracy the balance of this conversation. I was nervous and aware of a tension in my body and a shaking in my voice I’d never experienced before.

He was thrilled to hear from me. His voice exuded warmth and he spoke in a slow and slightly Southern drawl. His interest in me was disarming and I found it difficult to hold on to my anger. I could hear that he was smiling, and now, despite the years of anger and hurt, I wanted nothing more than to see that smile.

As if he were reading my mind, he said, “Well, I’d sure love for you and your brother to come down and visit me. Meet my wife Janey, your sister Dana, and your younger brother Dirk.”

While it’s hard to say precisely what I’d expected from this phone call, I was certainly surprised that he’d so quickly offered to fly my brother and me down to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Just as soon as we could come.

I told him that I’d have to talk to Mom and Dad first, but that I’d very much like to visit. He told me to feel free to call him collect anytime and secured my phone number in order to be able to reject the collect charges and call me back directly.

As the call came to an end, I agreed that I would be in touch soon with an answer regarding his proposal that we visit. He ended the call with what I soon learned was a trademark phrase of his, “Well, good enough.”

And then he said, “I love you, son.”

I simply exhaled, “Bye.” Not “Bye, Dad.” Not “Bye, Bob.” I didn’t know what to call him.

–Brian Russell,
Meeting Dad
Accents Publishing

More from Meeting Dad and Brian Russell:

Brian RussellBrian Russell spent more than 20 years working in the theater as a director and producer of plays, musicals, and operas before shifting his focus toward writing. He was artistic director of Chicago’s American Theater Company from 1997-2002, where he directed more than a dozen shows. In 2007, he graduated with honors with a BGS from Roosevelt University, where his short story, “Rutherford” won the first Annual Keenan-Kara Writing Award. In May 2010, he graduated from Spalding University’s brief residency MFA in Writing Program. His prose, poetry, and critiques have recently been published at Public Republic and at the review review.

from Meeting Dad by Brian Russell

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Meeting Dad

I held the small, blue piece of paper in my hand. In my mother’s instantly recognizable cursive, I read the name Bob Jaycox and his address in Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico? I thought. What an exotic place. Below the address in Mom’s left-handed slanted script were ten numbers. Ten numbers that might end eleven years of estrangement from my father.

I dialed zero.

The operator answered, and in as strong a voice as I could muster, I began, “Yes, I’d like to make a person-to-person collect call.”

“What number sir?”

I gave her the number.

“For whom are you calling?”

“Bob Jaycox.”

“And who shall I say is calling?”

“Brian Weston Russell.”

I used my middle name because I was afraid he might not know who I was if I simply said Brian Russell.

After a moment, the phone began to ring.

A woman with a strong Southern accent answered. The operator droned, “I have a person-to- person collect call for Bob Jaycox from Brian Weston Russell. Is Mr. Jaycox available?”

Silence.

The lady with the accent stammered, “Yes, uh, yes he is. Will you hang on a minute?”

“I’ll hold,” the operator replied in her detached voice.

A few seconds later, I heard a voice say, “This is Bob Jaycox.”

The operator repeated her spiel, and after the briefest of pauses, he said, “Well, I surely will!”

The operator told me that we were connected. Indeed, after all this time, we now were.

–Brian Russell,
Meeting Dad
Accents Publishing

More from Meeting Dad and Brian Russell:

Brian RussellBrian Russell spent more than 20 years working in the theater as a director and producer of plays, musicals, and operas before shifting his focus toward writing. He was artistic director of Chicago’s American Theater Company from 1997-2002, where he directed more than a dozen shows. In 2007, he graduated with honors with a BGS from Roosevelt University, where his short story, “Rutherford” won the first Annual Keenan-Kara Writing Award. In May 2010, he graduated from Spalding University’s brief residency MFA in Writing Program. His prose, poetry, and critiques have recently been published at Public Republic and at the review review.

from Meeting Dad by Brian Russell

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About an hour later, Mom and Dad ushered me into Dad’s study. It was a cluttered room filled with floor-to-ceiling bookcases overflowing with books. Every surface in the room was covered in piles of books, magazines, large manila envelopes, and dozens of lined yellow pads of paper. This was Dad’s inner sanctum and a place that was absolutely offlimits to the kids. He’d told us on more than one occasion that if he caught us in his study, “the belt will wail tonight.” (He borrowed that line from a Bill Cosby routine, but none of us doubted that he meant it. Nor did we think it was funny when he said it.)

Being allowed to use the study didn’t mean I could sit in Dad’s desk chair. That was still strictly off-limits. Rather, he pulled a chair into the sacred room and cleared a small section of the desk, moving the phone so I could reach it from where I sat. Scott listened in on the upstairs phone. Mom stood behind me.

–Brian Russell,
Meeting Dad
Accents Publishing

More from Meeting Dad and Brian Russell:

Brian RussellBrian Russell spent more than 20 years working in the theater as a director and producer of plays, musicals, and operas before shifting his focus toward writing. He was artistic director of Chicago’s American Theater Company from 1997-2002, where he directed more than a dozen shows. In 2007, he graduated with honors with a BGS from Roosevelt University, where his short story, “Rutherford” won the first Annual Keenan-Kara Writing Award. In May 2010, he graduated from Spalding University’s brief residency MFA in Writing Program. His prose, poetry, and critiques have recently been published at Public Republic and at the review review.

from Brian Russell’s Meeting Dad (Part 3)

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Meeting DadShaking her head slightly, she explained, “No, I didn’t get his number from the court, but I do have it.”

“Oh.”

“Some months ago your Uncle Ben told me that he’d read in a Cornell Alumni newsletter that Bob was living in San Juan, Puerto Rico,” she began.

“Puerto Rico?” I interrupted. “I’ve never known anyone from Puerto Rico.”

“Anyway,” she continued, “a few weeks later I was in the U.B. library and I happened to notice rows and rows of phone books from all over the country. I don’t know what made me do this, but I found the phone book for Puerto Rico, looked him up, and jotted down his number and address. I don’t know why I did it, but I did.”

“Well, I want to call him,” I said. “There are things I need to know.”

A short pause. “What do you hope to learn?”

I bit my left thumbnail and stared at its jagged edge.

“What if he somehow, I don’t know, rejects you?” she asked.

“He’s been rejecting me for eleven years. I think I’m sort of used to it by now,” I shot back. I took a breath and lowered my voice. “Mom, at least I’ll know that I made an effort. At least I’ll know that I tried, which is more than I can say for him.”

“You sound angry.”

“Of course I’m angry! But, it’s not as if I’m going to call him up and yell at him. I just want to ask him if he ever thinks of us. I want to ask why he’s never been in touch with us.”

After another short silence, I asked, “So can I have his number?”

“Of course,” she said. “I’ll go get it for you.”

Mom walked over to me, put her arms on my shoulders, and kissed the top of my head.

“Thank you,” I said.

–Brian Russell,
Meeting Dad (2010)
Accents Publishing

More from Meeting Dad and Brian Russell:

Brian RussellBrian Russell spent more than 20 years working in the theater as a director and producer of plays, musicals, and operas before shifting his focus toward writing. He was artistic director of Chicago’s American Theater Company from 1997-2002, where he directed more than a dozen shows. In 2007, he graduated with honors with a BGS from Roosevelt University, where his short story, “Rutherford” won the first Annual Keenan-Kara Writing Award. In May 2010, he graduated from Spalding University’s brief residency MFA in Writing Program. His prose, poetry, and critiques have recently been published at Public Republic and at the review review.

From Meeting Dad by Brian Russell

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Meeting DadWithin a few days, I’d made the decision. Though nervous, even a little scared, I decided the first step was to talk to Mom about it.

My mother had recently enrolled in the University of Buffalo to earn a B.A. in Linguistics. This evening, she was sitting at the head of the dining room table, books spread out before her, deeply immersed in her schoolwork. But she’d made it clear to all of us that if we needed to talk, we should feel free to approach her, even while she was doing her homework. And I needed to talk.

Taking a seat next to her, I was direct. “Mom, do you know how to reach Bob Jaycox? Do you have
a phone number? Or an address?”

For a moment, she kept her gaze on her book. “Why are you asking?”

“I guess I want to talk to him. Get some
answers.”

“Yes, I do,” she said, pushing her schoolwork aside and looking up toward me, concern in her dark brown eyes. “What’s bringing this on?”

“It’s something we talked about a lot at Marathon,” I said. “About trying to find him. You know.”

“I see,” she said. As she turned her head away in thought, I noticed the light from the hanging lamp
shining on her frosted hair. It shimmered.

“I figured you’d have gotten his number from the adoption court,” I said.

Shaking her head slightly, she explained, “No, I didn’t get his number from the court, but I do have it.”

–Brian Russell,
Meeting Dad (2010)
Accents Publishing

Brian RussellBrian Russell spent more than 20 years working in the theater as a director and producer of plays, musicals, and operas before shifting his focus toward writing. He was artistic director of Chicago’s American Theater Company from 1997-2002, where he directed more than a dozen shows. In 2007, he graduated with honors with a BGS from Roosevelt University, where his short story, “Rutherford” won the first Annual Keenan-Kara Writing Award. In May 2010, he will graduate from Spalding University’s brief residency MFA in Writing Program. His prose, poetry, and critiques have recently been published at public-republic.net and at thereviewreview.net.

From Brian Russell’s Meeting Dad

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Meeting DadI slammed the bright red foam-covered bat against the column in the middle of the room and yelled, the blows punctuating my words. “Why wouldn’t he ever write?” WHUMP! “Or call?” WHUMP! “Doesn’t he Even… F***ing… Care?” WHUMP! WHUMP!! WHUMP!!!

I screamed through tears that made the corners of my eyes itch. This was “Marathon” – two full days of group therapy, and it was day two on a Sunday afternoon in December. In the room: Jerry, the therapist, and eight or nine other teenagers, some a year or two younger than me, a few a couple of years older. I was fourteen. And I had had it with not knowing or hearing from my natural father.

Two years earlier, when John Russell officially adopted my brother Scott and me, the family court had offered Bob Jaycox an opportunity to contest the adoption, but he hadn’t even bothered to reply. No “yes,” no “no,” no nothing.

“No reply!” I yelled, throat scratchy. “What the f***?”

“Why don’t you just call him, Brian?” a redheaded girl suggested. “Ask him yourself.”

I said nothing.

“Do you think you might be able to do that, Brian?” Jerry asked, stroking his neatly trimmed beard.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

“Is the idea of calling him scary?” Jerry probed.

“A little,” I admitted.

“Call him!” the chorus chanted. “Do it!”

“Well I guess I couldn’t feel more hurt or rejected than I already do, so why shouldn’t I?”

One boy, a lump of a kid wearing baggy pants, chimed in, “Why bother? He’s just gonna disappoint you all over again I bet.”

Jerry gently chided the boy’s negativity. He scooched his folding metal chair a few inches toward me and said, “Don’t pressure yourself, Brian. Take your time. Just give it some thought.”

That night it was all I thought about.

–Brian Russell,
Meeting Dad (2010)
Accents Publishing

Brian RussellBrian Russell spent more than 20 years working in the theater as a director and producer of plays, musicals, and operas before shifting his focus toward writing. He was artistic director of Chicago’s American Theater Company from 1997-2002, where he directed more than a dozen shows. In 2007, he graduated with honors with a BGS from Roosevelt University, where his short story, “Rutherford” won the first Annual Keenan-Kara Writing Award. In May 2010, he will graduate from Spalding University’s brief residency MFA in Writing Program. His prose, poetry, and critiques have recently been published at public-republic.net and at thereviewreview.net.